#FUCK MY SHITTY COMPUTER
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There are things out there that our little minds will never comprehend.
DARK (2017-2020)
#my gifs#forcing people to watch this show by gifing scenes you cant even begin to understand the context of leaving you no choice but to watch#i am literally on my knees begging you to watch this if you havent#this is my roman empire#as always these look infinitely better on my computer than my shitty old phone so im just gonna have to hope that you guys have good phones#or are on your computers#dark#dark netflix#jonas kahnwald#tvedit#scifiedit#darkedit#dailyflicks#usergreta#plz tell me theres still a big enough fandom for this to get notes#there must be bc i cannot fucking imagine watching this show and then just moving on#color set
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scanned some pages from a few of my sketchbooks from this year and made a little pdf
you can get it free on kofi!
#the art of a lemon wedge#youve probably already seen most these pages but this time its actually scanned and not just a shitty photo from my phone lol#i was feeling a little down since this i hadnt drawn as much this year#at least not as many finished pieces to post#cause my hand was too fucked to use my computer at the beginning of the year#and the lose of my friend in the middle of the year#my mental health has been ABYSMAL#and yet#ive used my physical sketchbook when i could#and i DID want to continue putting together pdfs every year#so as a little reminder to myself#HERE I AM BABY
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its time to start making flower crown edits again
#been on tumblr for 14yrs never knew how to make something like this and its still shitty bc my computer runs photoshop lke its fucking dying#patrick stump#pete wentz#fall out boy#peterick
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#best buy fucked up the backup of my old files and only backed up the thumbnails for my blender projects on my work computer??#so heres uhh shitty subd furby#at least it was just my work computer. if i lost my home computer with all my mods i would lose it that would break me.#furby
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jon becomes an english teacher in their somewhere else and is completely baffled by how much highschoolers hate english class
transcript:
(left): "mr. sims, can we pls watch you play chess.com?" (macbeth essays submitted: 5/27) [i'm too old for this shit"]
(right): "and they're like obsessed with chess? but only on the computer" "at least they're engaged?"
#theres smth so calming about imagining jon in a classroom reading macbeth#like hes in his natural habitat or smth....#idk if this is true in other schools but at my highschool kids fucking hated english class. like disproportionately#yeah math sucks and there were some shitty math teachers but across the board ppl could not stand our english classes#its esp funny to me bc of how much i imagine jon would love english classes + reading classic lit#he just cannot wrap his head around the fact that most of his class spends the entire period playing chess.com#my art#doodles#tma#the magnus archives#jonathan sims#martin blackwood#jonmartin#the day magnus protocol drops expect me to either never shut up or completely disappear#the hype is all consuming#i still dont have a computer nor do i have a job so all i can offer is these sketches#more to come....
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I'm not an extrovert. At all. In everyday life, I'm a yapper, sure, but I need someone to first assure me I am okay to yap, so I don't start conversations, even when I really want to join in sometimes! It's just the social anxiety acting up. God knows where from and why I lose a lot of my inhibitions when it comes to talking to people about music. I don't know where the confidence has suddenly sprung from. I've made a crazy amount of friends in musical circles, either just talking to people about common music or (since it is after all in music circles) talking to bands about their own music. I let out a sigh of relief any time an interaction goes well, because in truth it's going against my every instinct. I wish I could do that in everyday life
#like that's the point where we need to remind everyone around me that as much as I say#radio is 'a job'-- it's not 'my job' lol. I wish I was this interested in data science#but like. Honestly?? I'm not even a data scientist!? I answered a few questions about classical AI having come from a computer science back#background and now people are saying to me 'I know you're a data scientist and not a programmer' sir I am a computer scientist#what are you on about#and like I guess I get to google things and they're paying me so I'm not complaining but like I am not a data scientist#my biggest data scientist moment was when I asked 'do things in data science ever make sense???' and a bunch of data scientists went#'no :) Welcome to the club' ???????#why did I do a whole ass computer science degree then. Does anyone at all even want that anymore. Has everything in the realm of#computer science just been Solved. What of all the problems I learned and researched about. Which were cool. Are they just dead#Ugh the worst thing the AI hype has done rn is it has genuinely required everyone to pretend they're a data scientist#even MORE than before. I hate this#anyway; I wish I didn't hate it and I was curious and talked to many people in the field#like it's tragicomedy when every person I meet in music is like 'you've got to pursue this man you're a great interviewer blah blah blah'#and like I appreciate that this is coming from people who themselves have/are taking a chance on life#but. I kinda feel like my career does not exist anymore realistically so unless 1) commercial radio gets less shitty FAST#2) media companies that are laying off 50% of their staff miraculously stop or 3) Tom Power is suddenly feeling generous and wants#a completely unknown idiot to step into the biggest fucking culture show in the country (that I am in no way qualified for)#yeah there's very very little else. There's nothing else lol#Our country does not hype. They don't really care for who you are. f you make a decent connection with them musically they will come to you#Canada does not make heroes out of its talent. They will not be putting money into any of that. Greenlight in your dreams.#this is something I've been told (and seen) multiple times. We'll see it next week-- there are Olympic medallists returning to uni next wee#no one cares: the phrase is 'America makes celebrities out of their sportspeople'; we do not. Replace sportspeople with any public professi#Canada does not care for press about their musicians. The only reason NME sold here was because Anglophilia not because of music journalism#anyway; personal
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wanted to do the ArtvsArtist2023
I use a lot of red for someone who isn't a fan of it 🥴. Im always trying not to use it, but it's just too damn good for contrast 😩🤏
This really was the year of drawing lot of zelda stuff, but mostly ganondorf, I could easily fill this with only ganondorf images haha
Also this year I finally got my tablet (with screen and shit) and man, I love it.
#man my shoulders are really fucking misaligned#I was told by the doctor the other day#but I didn't really noticed it until that photo XD#I guess it is because of the amount of hours I spend on the computer using the mouse and tablet 🤔#and my shitty posture in general
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Hey if anyone wants to check out Moving Pictures Redrawn [a fan-made remake of the first chapter of BATIM that Mike n Meatly may have ordered to be taken down? It's unsure at the moment] Guess who downloaded a copy before they did that~
#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#honestly if they did order the take down um lmao tbh#I guess Id do the same it must be embarrassing for a fan to make a better game than you did literally improved your damn#flagship title bc it fucking sucks#but yeah in the name of preserving this piece of art this person mustve spent forever making hmu if u wanna download it <3<3#its genuinely so cool I hope it turns out someone was posing as the bendy devs bc like this is so awesome#to have it taken down just feels so shitty#idc if its just a better batim if I could fucking sue Meatly n Mike for selling me a piece of shit of a game#thats not fun to play buggy as hell and has some of the worst storytelling ive ever seen#then took this down bc actually we cant let ppl play chapter 1 for free anymore ugh its just salt in the wound of how shitty they r#this remake is so cool I cant believe I got it to run on my computer#the way they redesigned the general areas is so damn cool too this is genuinely such an improvement and meatly n mike should be fucking#begging on their knees for the fans to forgive them if they did take this down fuck them so so much#mike literally has flaunted his fucking wealth in the past do we really think he needs the extra 20 bucks from some poor soul#buying his elaborate scam of a game that has a broken save system really? Does he need that money? No the fuck he doesnt#ramblez
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Also the lamest part of shop class. Pour this shit now pour this other shit, okay come back next class. Pop this stupid shit out of the mold now that it is done with its little chemical reaction and buff it. Congrats, you have a piece of plastic. Now let's do it again.
#i had shop throughout middle school and managed to only have to do plastics once#though because there was a limit on how many ppl could do a station at a time that was how i ended up starting to learn autocad at 12#because the teacher was like all the stations are full you cant skip plastics again because you cant do nothing for the next two weeks#and i got shitty about it so he gave me the manual for autocad and set me up at a computer and was like when you get sick of teaching#yourself this you can come do plastics#i did not get sick of it at all. that became my “unit” when i didnt want to do something.#random childhood lore time apparently. moral of the story? fuck epoxy resin.#-pers
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Old art, new format!
Made a paint by numbers for myself to keep track of which colour goes where because I know I would have messed it up otherwise.
Fun to see how this turns out.... I custom mixed the blues. I think 2 and 3 may end up being too similar, but it should still get the effect I wanted for the most part.
#new hobbies are so good and there is still so much to learn and I am trying different things every time#do i hate that my new hobby costs more money than no hobby? and all the fucking guilt and stuff that comes with#spending money on myself? yeah pretty much yeah its why i never feel bad about digital art because#i would still be using the computer and internet anyway so aside from the tablet cost almost a decade ago this is#basically free for me so like idk idk physical hobbies are so good but physical goods make me feel sick#because of the fucking world we live in and the way i was raised so like i am really#struggling here but what are ya gonna do eh? trying to push all this away because processing it has only looped it#so we get a lovely post and the mother of all fucking shitty tag talks afterwards :) :(
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positive-thinking'd a little too much and now i'm wired and happy no matter how badly today went and i'm never going to go to sleeeeeeeeep :DDDDD
#i will do the responsible thing and go to bed even if i plunge right back into weird thoughts#i made a complete fool out of myself SO FUCKING MUCH today#i hate myself i have no prospect in this life#but it's okay it's alright i have fun music even though my taste suck and i'm too stupid to appreciate anything actually good#i need to fold myself into the washing machine and go for a few tumble cycles#wanna go run run run but it's late and it's scary to leave the noise of the computer and coming back once i get bored of it and shitty shoe#stupidhead#broadcasting my misery#vent
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nowadays is it better to buy a 1978 type 57s/c red convertible bugatti or should i just dive off a bridge and kill myself
#sdsf posting#i actually am full of melancholy tbh because all my files were on my old computer#and they got deleted when it died so now ill never find my notes again#on the extensive research i did about deweys stupid shitty car........ fuck all life
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When the rage melts into apathy and then further fades into just quiet dissociation…
#I’m coolin (I’m not)#but i am bc idc anymore#fuck my security deposit#fuck my shitty ass roommate may he burst into FUCKING FLAMES#I got my computer and my trinkets out and now idc anymore#nia.txt
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i miss being hikineet life was less miserable then.
#genuinely less depressing. idk i just dont think im meant to be a person#i cant fucking talk to people without having an autistic sperg out and humiliating myself#i just want to not fail ONCE just fucking once but i cant#whatever. little nurse should be arriving soon.#burando will keep me alive burando is my will to live.#i miss working retail yeah it was shitty and i had fucking meltdowns but not as often as i do in school#plus when i was the only one at the store i could read or crochet or just generally slack off and tell customers to go fuck themselves.#now prof is gonna act like its high school and get mad at me for sleeping in class once like bro cmon im eepy leave me alone#if i fail thats my problem if im wasting money thats my problem mind ur own business.#she went fucking camping over the weekend thats what she was busy with. all i did was see a play and go to the club.#i fucking. did chores and ran errands and shit. did some lame and gay computer shit.#plus im really nauseous rn so like.#im just in a horrible mood and a horrible way and i wish life could be just a little bit easier just a little bit
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malding over my drawing tablet breaking for hte 2840842th time i just want to get a quick sketch out but you wont even give me that
#i cant tell if its my fucked up pirated csp or if its my shitty years old 30d tablet#genuinely infuriating i want to smash my computer into 242432 pieces and crush my drawing tablet into a fine powder#maybe the driver is bugged...... twitches#could be my sign to get a better tablet but hell no why would i do that. whats the point... i like this one..... please be for real for onc#i just want to do studiessssss Pleaseeee
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I've just realized that I use youtube exactly the same way I use pinterest.
Liked videos=profile
Playlists=boards
My brain really just sees media I like and goes "sort it bitch"
#youtube#pinterest#and yes#i am of course#✨️neurospicy✨️#i love the word neurospicy#like#oh yes#my brain just has a couple extra shots of hot sauce#thats why im depressed#all the cayenne#i also love the sparkly emoji#makes me think of the twilight thing#you know#edward: im a killer#bella: but sparkli#that was a weird movie franchise#wasnt the author mormon#maybe thats why#isnt mormonism a cult#whats the definition of a cult#okay google says it's a system of religious veneration and devotion directed toward a particular figure or object#which just sounds like a religion to me#but hey im just a crazy little atheist#actually google probably isnt reliable#i keep trying to leave google because i know theyre super shitty#but I know fuck all about computer shit#i cant even screen record#oh god i cant even remember what this post was originally about#take these tags as evidence of the neurospice
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